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Keir, a 33-year-old gay man, says he undertook 18 months of counseling, partly to tackle body image issues, and reports that it’s been reasonably effective. Asking for assistance is an important first step. There are, mercifully, plenty of strategies to help in handling body image issues. "And it contributed massively to social anxiety in my twenties and early thirties." George says this social anxiety even affected him in formal scenarios such as job interviews where he’d end up feeling "strangely inadequate." He also believes it contributed to an eating disorder and affected some of his romantic relationships. "From that moment on, I’ve never felt comfortable in T-shirts or even shirts," he says. George, a 35-year-old gay man, says his concerns began when a friend mocked his "skinny arms" nearly 15 years ago. If they're not addressed, queer men's body image issues can easily calcify into more serious mental health problems.
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And sometimes I do feel uncomfortable because I know that I’m more than my skin color and 'good pecs.’" “I get fetishy kind of comments-’I love muscular black guys' and all that. “But when I’m out, I still get comments from other gay guys about my body, so sometimes I feel like I have to keep working on it.” Alex says he’s affected by these comments because he’s a “natural people pleaser,” even though he knows some of them are totally inappropriate. “I have a boyfriend at the moment and he fully champions me, which is great-I feel at ease in my body,” he says. “You need to be bigger, lift weights, and have abs, which is a lot harder to achieve.”Īlex, a 28-year-old gay man of color, says there’s a fetishistic element to the body image pressure he faces. “It doesn’t feel like skinny is enough any more,” he explains. I could eat less and be more active and lose weight.” But over the last five years, as he’s aged out of the twink bracket-in which smooth, lithe bodies are prized-Pete says the goal posts have shifted. “Skinny was the way forward and that was easier to achieve in some ways. "As a younger gay man, when I came out, I was told I was too fat,” says 32-year-old Pete. The pressure to conform to a certain body type is even harder to get a grip on when the finish line keeps getting pushed back over time. When I’m out having fun, the last thing I care about is whether my followers know I “absolutely smashed Leg Day” three hours earlier.
I know I contribute to the problem whenever I post a gym selfie-just as I know I only post a gym selfie when I’m bored or craving attention. This incessant need to achieve a “good body” becomes-just look around you, honestly-incredibly heightened at the top of every year-especially because of the idea that a new year somehow also necessitates a "new you." When we scroll through our feeds, everyone seems to be discussing their 2020 fitness regimens men with shredded abs post photos of themselves filtered through that unmistakable Barry’s Bootcamp crimson glow don't even get me started on men with superhero-level bodies posting thirsty shots of themselves with captions claiming they “let themselves go” during the gluttony of holiday season. When I asked if any of my gay male followers had battled body image issues, someone responded: “That’s literally all of us, surely.” A zinger, sure, but at the same time, he probably wasn’t indulging in what Natasha Bedingfield famously mispronounced as “hyper-bowl.” When agenda-setting gay men’s magazine Attitude conducted a body survey in 2017, 84% of people said they felt under “intense pressure” to have a so-called “good body.” “No fats, no femmes.” “Gym-fit only.” “I work out and you should too.” Over the years, we’ve all heard that trite line: “You can be straight thin, but gay fat.”
Open an app like Grindr and you’ll be greeted with body-shaming phrases so familiar and cliched that straight people know about them, too. Body image issues aren’t unique to bi or gay men, but toxic thoughts pertaining to self-worth and physical care have become dangerously prevalent within the MSM (men seeking men) community. Even though we're nearly a month into the new decade, it's proven frustratingly easy to fall into the pitfalls of Januaries past.